"The mouth of a loose woman is a deep pit" proverbs 12:7

Saturday, 10 March 2012

All these diary entries were preminitions-something felt like it was ripping at me bit by bit

I promise not to talk about immediate or past suicidal/homicidal tendancies

because right now i could fucking kill you,petrol bomb your house and it will all be fire and ice

He left me.give me one good reason "no good reasons that I can find...my darling"

I realised that most of my journals and writting from the last 6 years of our relationship was about him.I don't know just where i'm going.I believed him,but I was young and in love.He left me on the 12th of October 2011,and I asked him "but why" his reply was "i'm unhappy and I just don't know".for weeks,I cried, I cut,I took drugs,I kicked and screamed,I watched my life unfold in fron of me.I wanted to die.I took more drugs,I drank.I wanted to die.I tried to jump out of the window.

Then 5 months later,I was getting better,and he comes back from a three week trip to India,he took me out for lunch,he told me that he finally had my answer,he knew why he spilt up from me,he said "I can't deal with your mental health problems,I can't deal with you being Borderline"

now all those emotions came flooding back to me,and I felt like a vile piece of meat,when I had to deal with years of epileptic seizures,he could not deal with me being borderline.......well i thought if you loved someone you overcome such obsticals.He always lies,wet blankets always find excuses to shift the blame away from themselves.